Today Alayna is 3 months old. Wow. Forgive me for being a little sappy, but I'm thinking a lot today about how much my life has changed in the last 3 months. Both in ways that I had predicted (lack of sleep, baby stuff everywhere), and ways I never would've predicted would happen to me. I pray often that Heavenly Father will help me to emotionally heal from what happened, as I sometimes deal with resentment that we had to go through all of this, but I also pray that I won't forget. I never want to forget how it felt to almost lose a child, because it helps me to remember how blessed I am to have her, and what a miracle she is. I don't want to forget just how close I felt to the Lord during that time. I know He was with my family and was watching over Alayna. I never want to forget those things, because it's helped me develop the characteristic of compassion to a whole new level. I never want to forget how much I was served by those around me, because now I have greater motivation to serve others.
I am a changed person compared to who I was 3 months ago. I've had my highest highs and lowest lows since then. Exactly 3 months ago at this time (noon), I was started on Pitocin, bouncing around on my birthing ball trying to speed up my labor, mad because I was so hungry and they'd only let me have nasty Jello. I had total optimism that everything was going to go just as I'd planned. Jeff would cut the cord, they'd put her on my chest right after she came out to wipe to goo off of her, and we'd have family time to bond. We'd get all the traditional pictures of her being weighed, the 3 of us right after she was born, and of us all coming home from the hospital. Though none of those things happened, the important thing was, we ended up with a healthy baby.
Well, there's my emotional rambling for the day. It's also probably because last night was one of the worst nights, sleep wise. She didn't have much of a nap yesterday afternoon or evening, so she'd finally go to sleep at night and as soon as I put her down, she'd be wide awake again. When she misses naps, she actually sleeps a lot worse. So I am just exhausted.
I took some pictures of her today that I will post, as well as a video (which I'll probably need my sister in law to help me with!). We are also getting her pics done at JCPenny tomorrow!
4 comments:
I am sitting here crying. But I am so happy that Alayna is in our family. I am also grateful for how she has bonded us as an extended family. Thanks for sharing your feelings. Give Alayna a hug for me. I love you and am glad that you are my sister-in-law.
Love her too! So glad that she is here. I am so glad that you have this all written down because time goes so fast and you forget so easily. Love ya and would love to help you put the video on.
That IS the most important and sweetest and most delicious thing - Alayna's healthy. And she's an incredibly awesome little soul! We don't always get to choose HOW things "come down," but in the end, we're always blessed in some way for having trust in the Savior. He succors us, if we include Him in our trials. * Thru all this, I was deeply awed with, and grateful for, the fasts & prayers of friends & family from FL to VA to OH to UT to HI to AZ, and who knows where else. I felt their support for Alayna and you and Jeff. A taste of ZION it was.
Oh, Kendra, I know it is hard when things don't go as planned during childbirth. Such was the case with my first too, though mine ended with a c-section and 12 hours of NICU instead of the weeks you guys went through. I feel for you. Remember what I told you before: it is okay to mourn. It is okay to cry. Prayer and time will help heal your emotional wounds, as will talking out your feelings with someone you can trust. Peace will come. In the meantime, enjoy your time with your precious baby girl. She'll grow up sooner than you think.
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