My Uncle

Wednesday morning I found out that my uncle Kirby (age 50) passed away. Before I go into any thoughts I've been having, let me give you some background info on him. He had had HIV for over 20 years, and had taken excellent care of himself. In fact, just a few weeks ago I was talking to my mom about how weird it is that you think when someone has HIV, they are going to die soon, yet there we were over 20 years later and he was doing so well. Tuesday he checked himself into the hospital with walking pnemonia, and passed away early Wednesday morning.

It shouldn't have been surprising since he does have HIV and therefore, not much of an immune system, but it never even occured to anyone that this could happen because he has beaten so many other illnesses. Although I feel bad for my Grandma who is very confused about the whole thing, and distraught about losing a child (that has to be horrible), I am at peace with the fact that Kirby is in a better place, and is finally able to rest from his really, really hard life. Not only did he deal with HIV and its accompanying doctors visits , prescriptions, illnesses, and ultimately knowing your days were numbered, he had some pretty big mental issues that was either bipolarism or borderline personality disorder. I don't like labels, but they can paint a picture of a persons life.

As a kid I remember him visiting my house and he was a lot of fun, he would call Keith and I "yard apes" (I'm still not sure what those are). My fondest memory of him was when I broke down at my grandpa's funeral and ran out of the chapel, he found me and hugged me and told me he missed Grandpa too. As I got older you could still have some really good conversations with him, but I was a little avoidant of him because he had a short temper and was crude. The last few years I haven't seen him much because he's moved back and forth from Cali to Orlando, and I've been in Utah. As I've gotten older, I've concluded that Kirby is a good person, with a good heart, that has a disability that impairs his judgement in life settings.

Now that he's gone, I want to share a few insights about Kirby, that my mom and I were talking about. I admire the courage he had to keep going in life, and not even whining much about his problems. Even when he would fly off the handle, he always had self control and wouldn't hurt a fly. And if you really knew Kirby, he had a good heart. My mom says she's felt the last few days that the Lord has assured her Kirby is one of His most valiant spirits. We know this about persons with physical disabilities and retardation, but have you ever thought that way about someone with a mental illness? I hadn't. She has been feeling that his problems were more of a test to us, his family, on how we would treat him and the patience we would have, and to teach us to love even someone that is hard to love. I always admired how patient and forgiving my mom was with him, and wish I could've been the same way.

So, to my uncle who had no job, no church, few friends, and no children....did you know you taught your niece something? Because of your life I'm learning to love people who are hard to love, and viewing people in a different way. I hope because of what you've taught me I can be more patient, and have more charity towards everyone, and to see people for who they really are in the eternal scheme. I am truly thankful for my knowledge that you are freed from the many trials you faced in your earthy experience, and that you can finally rest. I look forward to the day when I can see you again and know your true soul, the valiant spirit that you are, that isn't defined by the trials you had here.